I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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