What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
