Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
