What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize