i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
