Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
