Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
