Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my being single is dangerous.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
