well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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