Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
