Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize