I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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