Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
