I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
