I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He passed out mid-signature
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
