Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So here I am, sexting at work.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
