after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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