OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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