He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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