but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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