I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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