i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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