Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
