I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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