I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We left the knife in your bed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
