I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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