i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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