Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your penis caused this!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
