he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
