I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
