Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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