My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
