I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
