M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
