somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
