The maid of honor just puked.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
