Nicole vs. Life
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
