So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
