thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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