She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i black out too much to be "responsible"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
