I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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