Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
