dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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