I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
