I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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