i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Come share oat with me in your robe
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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