You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize