I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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