i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
