and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
