so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
