i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think people are normalizing furries
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
