Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
