It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
