genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
