My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This is my gift to your gina
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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