You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
