she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
