She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
