wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
