Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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