Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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