you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize