haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
