he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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