I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
